Getting Rid of a bit of That Guilt Feeling
I have a bit of a guilt
feeling. That's good! NOW I'll put in effort to get rid of a bit of that feeling of guilt.
A bit of a sense of guilt is likely to be good. A living person, regardless
of how good or bad they may be, is likely to at some time experience a feeling of guilt. This
feeling is the result of a "still, small voice" speaking to me. My conscience is that "still, small voice."
What would happen if I did not
feel a sense of guilt after doing an unhelpful thing? A person who does not have a
feeling of guilt for doing a specific unhelpful act is often unable to distinguish
between right and wrong — or hasn't been trained to know the difference between
right and wrong as regards that act. Or they may not be 'sane.'
A feeling of guilt might be inherited. Another might be acquired.
We know a mental conflict often will develop when an inherited
emotion or passion is bridled by the society in which one lives; and people
in one environment may have an entirely different code of ethics that is
opposed to the code of those in another. Yet in each instance where an individual has been taught a specific, ethical standard and violates it, they develop a feeling of guilt.
In some instances, however, the violation of a moral
standard of society is helpful because the standard itself may be unhelpful.
A feeling of guilt is potentially helpful. It might even
motivate a person of the highest moral standard to even more worthwhile thought and
action.
There was a righteous person who hated and unrelentingly
persecuted people of a religious minority. He developed a feeling of guilt.
And the world knows he righted his wrong when his feelings of guilt motivated
him to a desirable action. He became a great evangelist. His thoughts,
words, and actions have changed the history of the world during the past two
thousand years. Saul of Tarsus was his name.
And then there was a person whose feeling of guilt for what he
believed to be the misdeeds of his life made him so remorseful that he, too,
was motivated to desirable action. In prison he spent his days writing a book.
And his book is a classic reference for teaching nobility of character and
beauty of life. John Bunyan was his name.
And then there was also the sinner who donated a half million dollars to the Chicago Boys Clubs and who
also donated a million dollars to his church. He did this to atone in part
for his guilt. He provided money to prevent a boy or girl from falling
into a trap or snare of life that he had experienced.
Even a benefactor to mankind like Dr. Albert Schweitzer was
motivated by a sense of guilt. He felt guilty that he had fallen short of
his responsibilities to others. Because he could, but was not, doing
something worthwhile, his sense of guilt prompted him to start a great
mission.
Might I see that a feeling of guilt with PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) is good?
Then a feeling of guilt with NMA (Positive Mental Attitude) is likely to be unhelpful.
A guilt feeling might not bring about a beneficial remit.
When an individual has a guilt feeling and does not get rid of that guilt
feeling with PMA, a result is most often harmful.
And the psychologist Sigmund Freud says: "The further
our work proceeds and the deeper our knowledge of the mental life of neurotics
penetrates, the more clearly two new factors force themselves upon our notice
which demand the closest attention as sources of resistance... They can both be
included under the one description of 'need to be ill' or 'need to suffer.'...
The first of these two factors is the sense of guilt or consciousness of
guilt..."
Sigmund Freud is right. A feeling of guilt has motivated
a person to destroy their life, mutilate their body, or injure themself in
other ways to atone for their wrongdoing. Today, fortunately, such methods
are seldom practiced. And they are not permitted in a civilized country. Their counterpart can be found. For the conscious mind may not feel guilty but
the subconscious mind does.
And the subconscious mind remembers.
It uses its powers as effectively as the conscious mind. For
it fulfils the need of the individual who doesn’t rid themself of a feeling of
guilt with PMA. It makes them ill. It makes them suffer.
A guilt feeling can
teach me consideration for another. Consideration for another is a quality each
of us might learn to develop. The new-born babe cares little for the comfort
and convenience of anyone else. They want what they want when they want it. At that point in their development they begin to learn, little by little,
that there are others alive, too, and that, to some extent at least, they might allow them some consideration. Selfishness is a common human trait,
and it lessens in each of us through our development. As I get old enough to understand that such a feeling is not helpful, I might feel a twinge of guilt when I indulge in
selfishness. This is good, for it might cause me to think twice when the occasion
arises and I might choose between pleasing myself or pleasing another.
Thomas Gunn's six-year-old grandson was visiting him at his
home in Cleveland, Ohio. The youngster would run to the corner every evening to
meet his grandfather when he returned from work. This made the grandfather very
happy. When the youngster met him, he would give his grandson a small bag of
candy.
One day the boy ran to the corner and greeted his
grandfather in excitement and anticipation with: "Where's my candy?"
The elderly gentleman tried to conceal his emotion. "Did you meet me every
evening," he hesitated before continuing, "just for a bag of
candy?" The boy was handed the small bag that his grandfather had taken
out of his pocket. Nothing more was said as they walked to the house. The child
was hurt. He was unhappy. He didn't eat the candy. It didn't seem desirable any
more. He had injured someone whom he loved.
That night as the six-year-old and his grandfather knelt
down and said their prayers aloud together, the youngster added one all his
own: "Please, God, let grandfather know I love him."
The boy's unhappiness and remorse because of what he had
done were good. Why? Because they forced him to take action to get rid of that
guilt feeling and make amends for what he had done.
To get rid of that guilt feeling, I might make an amend. A feeling of
guilt can arise from many a varied cause. A sense of guilt brings with it a
feeling of indebtedness... indebtedness that might be reduced or eliminated.
This is very well illustrated by the story of the young
doctor in Lloyd C. Douglas' novel The Magnificent Obsession. In that story the young person who is the hero felt that they owed the
world a debt because their life had been saved at the cost of the life of a great
brain surgeon who had been a real blessing to the world.
It was this feeling of debt which caused the young person to become a brain specialist equal in ability to the person whose life they felt they had taken. From the diary of the surgeon who had died, the young person learned
a philosophy of life which caused them to develop a Magnificent Obsession. Because of this guilt feeling, they became a more helpful person.
Every story is somebody's story. Every day in the news I read somebody's story: someone like Jim Vaus whose life was
saved in more ways than one because he responded to an irrevocable decision to
get rid of his feeling of guilt. He got into action.
To get rid of a guilt feeling, it might help to get into action! Sometimes
a person gets caught in a web of wrongdoing, and they seem to be unable to free
themself from it. They give up trying. They become more and more
entangled, until finally it takes an almost earthshaking experience to set them
free. Such was the case with Jim Vaus.
Jim Vaus is a man who literally owes his life to his
decision to say "I will" and yet this decision came quite late in
life. For a good many years, Jim had been running head on into trouble. He seemed to be trying to violate every rule of law, one by one. The first
time he broke the law he was still in
college. One day he stole $92.74; he went to the airport, bought a ticket, and
headed for Florida. A little later he stole again, this time in an armed
robbery. He was caught and put in jail. Shortly thereafter he was granted
amnesty so that he could join the Army; yet even in the Army he got into
trouble. The court martial read, "... for diverting government property to
private use..."
And so it went. Jim Vaus' career kept sliding downhill. The
more often he did wrong, the more guilt he felt. Guilt leading to more guilt, as well
as lies and deception to hide it.
Now Jim didn't consciously feel more guilty — because his
conscious sense of guilt had become deadened. But not so with his subconscious
mind. For that's where the guilt feeling accumulated without Jim's realizing
it.
As in the instances you often read of in your newspaper, it
took an earthshaking experience to awaken him.
Now Vaus was eventually released from the Army; he married
and moved to California where he set up an electronics consultant business. One
day a man known simply as Andy came to Jim and outlined a big idea for beating
the races with an electronic device. Within weeks Jim was deeply involved with
the underworld. And he was driving a nine thousand dollar car. He had a fine
home in the suburbs, and more business than he could handle.
One day Jim had an argument with his wife. She wanted to
know where all the money was coming from, and he wouldn't say. So she started
to cry. Jim couldn't stand to see his wife cry. For he loved her. Jim's
conscience bothered him. Because he wanted to humor her, he suggested a ride
out to the beach. On the way, they got caught in a traffic jam: hundreds of
cars were pouring into a parking lot.
"Oh look, Jim," said Alice. "It's Billy
Graham! Let's go. It might be interesting."
Still trying to humour her, Jim went along. But shortly
after he sat down he became emotionally disturbed: It seemed to him that Graham
was talking directly to him. For Jim's conscience bothered him so badly that it
seemed he had been singled out.
Graham's text was: "What does it profit a man if he
gains the whole world and loses his soul?"
Then Graham was saying: "There's a man here who has
heard all this before, who is hardening his heart. With pride he stiffens his
neck, and he is determined to leave without making a decision. But this will be
his last chance."
His last chance? To Jim the thought was startling. Perhaps
he had a premonition. Or perhaps he was ready. What did the preacher mean?
Graham was giving a call to come forward. He wanted people
to take a physical step that symbolized a decision. What was happening, Jim
wondered. Why did he feel like crying? Suddenly he found himself speaking.
"Let's go, Alice." Dutifully Alice walked to the aisle, and turned as
if to go out of the tent. Jim, who was following her, caught her arm and turned
her around.
"No, dear," he said. "This way... "
Years later, after Jim had changed his life completely, he
was giving a speech in Los Angeles. And then he told of his experiences with
the underworld. He told about the day of his decision, on which day he had been
instructed to fly to St. Louis on a wire-tapping assignment. "I never
reached St. Louis," he said. "I found the courage to get on my knees
instead."
In his speech Jim told of his blessings and how he had
thanked God for them, asked for forgiveness, had tried to neutralize his
wrongdoing, and stressed the application of the Golden Rule.
After the lecture, a lady came up to him and said, "Mr.
Vaus, I think you might like to know something. I was working in the Mayor's
office at the time you were supposed to go to St. Louis. On that day a teletype
was received from the FBI. It said, Mr. Vaus, that you were going to be met in
St. Louis by a rival gang. And shot dead."
A recommended formula for getting rid of guilt. Your own
"last chance" may not be as dramatic as this. But there is a
wonderful lesson in the story of Jim Vaus, nonetheless. How was Jim able to get
rid of his guilt feeling? He did it by following a clear-cut pattern. It is
a pattern I can follow.
First of all, I really listen as I hear advice, a lecture, an
inspirational message that could change my life.
Then I count a thing I am grateful for, and really see that I am fortunate to have it. When I realize a thing I am grateful for, it is a bit easier to become sincerely sorry for a wrong I
have done.
As I take this first step forward, it is a symbol through
a physical gesture that I make in a direction of a changed life. When Jim
walked down the aisle, he was making a public announcement that he had become
sorry for his past and was now ready to change his life.
I might then make an amend by taking a second step forward:
begin to right a wrong, where possible.
Then I might take a most important step of all: applying the Golden Rule.
Now when I am tempted to do wrong, that
"still, small voice" will whisper to me. When it does, I stop and
listen. I count a blessing. I picture myself in the other person's place. Then I make my decision to do what I would want done if I was actually in
their position.
This is a formula for getting rid of a guilt
feeling. When I am having trouble with a temptation, if subsequent guilt is
keeping me from using my energy in a constructive direction, I apply this pattern for freedom from guilt. I relate it to my own life. I apply it. I step a bit towards success.
Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude urges me to use
a power of my conscious and subconscious mind to:
·
Seek more of the truth.
·
Motivate myself to take a bit more constructive action.
·
Cause myself to strive to achieve a higher
ideal I can conceive, consistent with better physical and mental health.
·
Live intelligently in society.
·
Help me abstain from that which tends to cause
unnecessary injury.
·
Start from where I am and get to
where I want to be - regardless of what I have done or what I have been.
A thing which deters me from a noble achievement is cast aside. I look to see or find out what
is HELPFUL or unhelpful under a given circumstance and at a given time.
I am acquainted with the law, the Golden Rule, and other
standards of what is helpful in the society in which I live. I determine a standard which will guide me to my desired goal.
"It is one thing to know a goal, and quite another
thing to work toward it," writes Bishop Fulton J. Sheen in “Life Is Worth
Living.” I choose my goal! I work toward it! I direct my thought, control my emotion, get into action and ordain my destiny. I can find an answer when I keep seeking it. I "catch
character."
Catch. "Character is something that is caught, rather than only taught," was a thought-provoking quotation of Arthur Burger, former
Executive Director of the Boys Clubs of Boston. It appeared in a Reader's
Digest article entitled "400,000 Boys Are Members of the Club."
Catch has two distinct meanings: (1) "affected by
exposure to environment" (often subconscious reaction); and (2)
"seize and hold" (conscious action).
One effective way to catch character is to place myself in an environment that tends to develop a more desirable thought, motive,
or habit. If my environment it is not sufficiently effective after
a reasonable time, I make a substitution or a change.
Character can also be taught. I devote more time to learning character, both by looking at precept and example. I catch and learn this admirable quality necessary for greater success.
J. Edgar Hoover made this statement: "You can read
volumes upon volumes as to the cause of crime, but crime is literally caused by
the lack of one thing, a feeling of moral responsibility on the part of
a person."
The reason a person lacks a feeling of moral responsibility
is because they lack a guilt feeling. They do not develop their own
character, for their conscience is dulled and doesn't guide them. From
their faulty unmoral and amoral behaviour they neither catch nor
learn character.
When one virtue is in conflict with another. Sometimes it is
not so easy to decide whether one should say yes or no. For the question to be
resolved may involve a conflict between virtues. A person at some time
is faced with such a conflict and is required to make a decision. They choose: between
what they wish to do and what they ought to do; or between what they want and what
society expects of them.
Such a choice is made between virtues,
such as: love, duty, and loyalty. As examples: (a) love and duty to a parent in
conflict with the love and duty to a husband or wife; (b) loyalty to an
individual in conflict with loyalty to another individual; or (c) loyalty to an
individual in conflict with loyalty to an organization or society.
Let's Illustrate with the story of the salesmen who worked
with George Johnson. For they were faced with a conflict between loyalty to an
individual and loyalty to another Individual and the organization he
represented.
George Johnson trained, encouraged, inspired, and financed a
salesman whom we will call John Black.
George had complete confidence in John. He liked him. He
gave him a break. He let him service his best customers - long established
accounts. In the company contract it was agreed that in the event of termination
the salesman would in no way molest the company's business or interfere with
its sales organization. Mr. Johnson gave Black the book Think and Grow Rich. It
motivated John to action - the wrong action! John didn't read what was
unwritten. His only interest was the acquisition of money. He believed the end
justified any means. Because of his negative standards he responded
aggressively with a negative mental attitude.
"George Johnson is just like a father to me. Yes, I
think of him as a father," the salesman said, but at the same time he
secretly planned to transfer the company's customers and sales force to a
competing concern for — money.
John was welcomed in the homes of his fellow salesmen. For
they were unaware of his thoughts or plans. When he called at their homes he
relied upon the honesty and decency of the individuals to live up to a promise
and not to betray his secret. He would ask, "How would you like to double
your earnings? How would you like to have greater security?" The response
would be: "Sounds good! What's it all about?"
Black would answer, "I don't want anyone to upset the
apple cart; therefore, I'll tell you only if you promise me on your honour not
to tell anyone. Do you make a solemn promise?"
When the answer was yes, he endeavoured to entice them over
to the competing organization. He tried to neutralize their pangs of conscience
by referring to real or imaginary dissatisfactions.
The other salesmen were "on the spot." On the one
hand, they had given John their solemn promise not to tell what he was doing.
On the other hand, they knew what he was doing would be harmful to their
employer. And they owed a greater loyalty to George Johnson and the
organization he represented.
The salesmen had the courage to try to clear the cobwebs of
John's thinking and to show him that what he was contemplating was not right.
When he didn't respond but persisted in his own way, they knew what to do: They
gave George Johnson the facts. They chose adherence to courage, honesty, and
loyalty. They knew how to decide between right and wrong when one virtue was in
conflict with another.
There are many such conflicts. In my life I will be
faced with the necessity to make a decision in an instance where a virtue is in
conflict with another virtue. What will my decision be?
I do that which my conscience tells me will not develop a
guilt feeling. It's a HELPFUL thing to do. To assist me in coming to the right
decision under such a circumstance, I'll complete the Success Quotient Analysis in
the following chapter.
